Something happened earlier this week that struck such a nerve I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut about it. So I had to share it with you all today. Here’s what happened: I read a Facebook post written by a very successful male strength coach. And it’s quickly got stuck in my craw and stayed there, which meant I had to go respond to it.
The picture above was featured in the quote, with the following text underneath:
“Here we have a real live cretin putting herself on display for all the world to see.
No, she is not a cretin for her infantile “F*ck fascist beauty standards” comment, although I do love how these desperately unhappy SJW (Social Justice Warrior) types now stick the word fascist in front of everything that they don’t like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there are plenty of men out there who don’t like the purported beauty standards of stick thin models.
This young lady is a cretin solely because she epitomises the movement that wants to force us to believe that “fat is not a bad word”.
Who is she trying to convince? Herself of course – this is all an exercise in making herself feel better, which I have no problem with so long as she does it in the privacy of her own home as opposed to making a very obvious public statement.
Let me be very clear – FAT IS A BAD WORD.
Being fat (“fat” = overweight, it does not mean “I don’t have a six pack” or anything OTT like that) increases all causes of mortality.
That means that if you are fat there is an extremely high chance that it will both hasten your death and drastically reduce your quality of life.
In order to bring some calm to their troubled souls, the overweight SJWs attempt to conflate subjective standards of beauty, that no sane person should care about unless they’re in the fashion business, with objective standards of health.
It’s time they grew up and took some responsibility because the truth, as unpalatable as it may be for these delicate snowflakes, is that fat really is a bad word and no one ever accidentally ate a donut.”
WOW. Just plain wow. Not only was this coach doing the bashing, but his feed had many coaches joining in (both men and women) and shaming this woman for standing up for herself in a body-positive way.
So much went through my head at the time – initially disappointment, then anger, then a fierce mama bear instinct to shut this all down. I have learned to get loud when one of my sisters is being shamed.
“You know I dig your work and respect the results you get for your clients big-time. But for all of you who support this post, and to you – I ask you if you believe this post will change the outcome without addressing the underlying reason for her being overweight? Obviously, poor food choices and obesity are indeed a health risk. But consider this: we need to peel back the layers and truly understand that being fat is often not due to poor food choices but by growing up in a state of lack. Lack of love, lack of value, lack of confidence, lack of stability and safety.
Most, if not all, of my clients who struggle with their weight have suffered from childhood traumas, divorce, sexual abuse, and blatant neglect. And while I agree with you that putting chocolate on a wound never heals the pain, listening to your clients and helping their understand their inherent values and worth certainly does. So before you judge, shame, and blanket every fat woman into thinking she’s ignorant for trying to make herself feel beautiful at any size, why not try to help women feel amazing NOW, at any size, and help them value themselves enough to invest in their future?”
We had a few more exchanges that were perfectly civilized and that will in all likelihood not make much difference. His philosophy is that unless he is very hard on his clients, they won’t make any changes that have an impact. I’m calling B.S. on all of it. Having worked with clients for 25 years, destroying a person’s self-esteem with shame before she’s even left the gate leaves zero room for compassion and healing. And until you address the hurts and light the path for a person to truly see and value herself, she will fail to get or keep those results.
For the record, I’m not into enabling poor choices or allowing my clients to play the victim, either. This is all about lighting you up so you can release what is no longer serving you and feel empowered to make choices that move the needle in a gentle but powerFULL way.
Click HERE to finally let go of what no longer serves you and understand that the most important opinion about your body is your own. If you’re someone who already celebrates the fact that your thighs do indeed touch but love yourself anyway (or wants to learn how to get to that place), then you and I can co-create some seriously big magic together and finally move the needle.